Part 36: Update Thirty Five: Felling The Giant

Update Thirty Five: Felling The Giant

Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, the Giant of Babel rose and all of our old comrades (minus Gustav) helped distract it long enough for us to enter. Today, we're going to take this big bastard down, so let's mosey.





Also, I hope you're ready for a shitload of plot. There's going to be some big things in this update.



And some boss fights, too.



We're also very close to the core of the Giant. We just have to make it through this stairwell first.



Hmm. It kinda looks like they're trying to get me to step on that specific spot.





Son of a bitch, I knew it. Alright, game, what do you have for me now?





What the hell are you doing here?





I guess you didn't get enough of a beating the first time, huh? Well, I can fix that.



Quick as ever, Cecil.





Zemus sounds pretty powerful and this is what he does with it?





Oh, hell. They figured out our secret!



Rubicante is still interested in a fair fight.





I wonder why he never uses this ability in battle, on himself. It'd certainly help his odds of not being crushed into a fine powder.



Yeah, we'll see about that.







So, Rubicante's claim that they learned teamwork is true. But, the part about us teaching them the whole teamwork thing is a lesson that didn't take; they come at us one at a time, instead of all four attacking together.



However, the Elemental Lords have grown more powerful. Scarry here has some crushing physicals.



Yes, I opened Cecil's magic menu on accident.



That's pretty good for Goemon; Scarry here is weak to Fire, for sure, and supposedly weak to Holy.



I say supposedly because Excalibur is Holy element, but this is piss-poor damage. I referred to both a Boss FAQ from GameFAQs and the FF Wiki, and they both say he's weak to Holy. I even double checked that Excalibur is actually a Holy elemental weapon and it is, so I don't know what the fuck is up here. If someone can explain it, I'd love to hear it; I'm just going to guess that Cecil had a bad hit here.



But, Firaga won't have a bad hit!



Kim, I love what you do.



Puddin was originally going to use Holy, but after seeing Cecil's poor performance, I went with the assured option.



And it worked out well for me. Having two Black Mages flinging spells that the enemy is weak against is a lovely sight to behold.



After running out all of Scarry's HP, Rubicante steps in to take his place. They have a combined total of 60,000 HP and Rubicante is still weak to Ice.



Before his death, Scarmiglione managed to Curse Rosa, which cuts Attack and Defense in half. Esuna will clear it up. Oh, and that Fira is just as pathetic as it was before.



Goemon is still putting out good damage.



Water is only an element in the DS version, so Leviathan is non-elemental here. Goemon's Flood Ninjutsu is actually Ice elemental, so it's super effective against Rubicante, while Leviathan will only do a shitload of damage but not hit a weakness.



Rubicante has picked up a few new tricks, too, but they're all Fire related.



It's still not very impressive.





Leviathan, despite not hitting a weakness, still hits for big damage.



Scorch is his other trick, while Goemon queues up a Flood.



Rubicante really got the shaft here, I think.



His weakness is easy to exploit, plus you have three people capable of hitting it, while he can't really drop a ton of damage in return. Sure, his attacks hit the entire party, but that doesn't really matter when even Kim can just tank through them.



Flood deals some decent damage here and it's a good use for Goemon's MP.







Cecil's physicals still aren't performing as well as I'd like them to.



Kim does have Blizzaga, yes, but fuck it, we're refighting the Elemental Lords. May as well bust out the big guns.





And that's the end of Rubicante.



Cagnazzo is next. I don't know why they're coming at us in the order they are.



What the fuck were you doing earlier, Cecil?



Once again, there are three people here to hit his weakness. He and Barbie have a combined total of 50,000 HP. Unfortunately, Kim doesn't have Thundaga yet, so I'd have to use either Ramuh or Thundara.



I'll be using Bahamut, though. Also, Cagnazzo hits damn hard, like Scarry did.



And Goemon's Blitz is impressive enough it cuts off Puddin's head when he casts it.



And some people claim Ninjutsu is completely useless. Psh, it's only mostly useless.



Cagnazzo didn't like that, so he punched Goemon's face off. Puddin is going to use Full-Life on him.



While Kim prepares to severely fuck up Cagnazzo's day.



Full-Life costs 52 MP to use but, as the name indicates, it'll revive someone with full HP, so there's no longer that scramble to get them healed before they're slapped down again.



Cecil, like a lot of boss fights, is just kind of here. Aside from that Esuna earlier, all he's done is physically attack, which is what he's good at. For being the main character, he's certainly not flashy in battle.



Cecil, you and I need to talk.



Oh, Jesus Christ, he didn't get to use this last time!







Fuck you, Cagnazzo, you turd sandwich.



Rubicante probably got the shaft harder than you, but at least we didn't find him wearing a coat made of skin.



And with that, Cagnazzo falls and we face the final Elemental Lord, the Hurriqueen.



She hits pretty hard, too, and has some nasty tricks up her sleeve. I'd say she's the most improved of the four.



I queued this up when I saw Tsunami coming, as I thought it was going to hit harder than it did.





Alright, Cecil, try and not fuck this one up.



Babs, why are you weak to Holy? I'm not complaining, as Cecil dealt kickass damage there, but why? Is it because they were trying to give you a weakness, like the others?



She still has Ray at her disposal and it still inflicts Gradual Petrify.



In hindsight, I should have cast Holy here, but Flare works pretty well, too.



Plus, y'know, I didn't want to put the image in your minds of an old man assaulting the Hurriqueen with his white balls.



Bahamut is great for these things, as he's nearly guaranteed to deal 9,999 damage.



However, this is why I claim Babs to be the most dangerous around here.





Maelstrom fucks up everyone's HP and drops it to single digits. Combined with her physical attacks, it's easy for her to drop someone. Thankfully, she has a pattern of "Attack, Ray, Attack, Ray, Maelstrom" (or, at least, it seems that way), so there's always time to heal up.



For this transgression, Goemon whips a Shuriken into the hurricane. I don't think physicals should be able to hit her here, but both Cecil and Goemon have no issue with hitting her.



Shurikens aren't worth a ton of damage, like they used to be, but they still have some power behind them.





Rosa prepares to heal everyone while Cecil drops another big hit on Babs.



She responds in kind. Yowch.



But, with Full-Life, it's not that big of a deal to pick him back up.



Hell, Gradual Petrify is hardly a concern. It doesn't petrify fast enough to be a major concern, so you can take your sweet time in healing it.





Or just kill her and not worry about it. All in all, this fight isn't super tough. If you're not prepared for it, you might scramble for a bit in the beginning, but, as always, just keep your health high and exploit weaknesses to the best of your abilities, and you should make it out A-OK.



Scarmiglione laments his death, again, but you'd think it wouldn't bother him so much. I mean, c'mon, this is the second time he's come back from the dead. Learn to deal with it.



...Okay, exploding is going to be a bit harder to get over.



If you were all children, I bet Zemus would have beat you the most, Cagnazzo.



Even your exit is unspectacular.



But, remember, Babs, you came the closest to defeating me. Hold on to that, even in death.



Or just explode, that's fine, too.



Rest well, Rubicante. Your honor will not be forgotten.



Were I one of the heroes there, I think I would have tried to get a cigarette lit off that flame.



With the defeat of the Elemental Lords, we can now move forward.





Into the "Heart" of the Giant.



Alright, Puddin, you hack all of their IP addresses. Goemon will take one half of the keyboard, you take the other half.





"The amount of furry porn is astounding!"





And so, our second boss fight begins.



The Defense Node, as Puddin said, needs to be dropped first.





All it does is spam Restore on the CPU, and it's fairly quick, so it's hard to beat it in a damage race.



Especially since the CPU usually keeps a Reflect up on itself. Getting a spell in when that Reflect has worn off is very difficult, too, as there's no indication of when it's fallen.



And the Attack Node's only action is this attack.



The "Piercing" in the name is kind of a lie. It still just deals the 10% damage of max HP, so it'll take ten rounds to kill you, while the CPU has no attacks as of now.



Both nodes only have 3,000 HP, while the CPU has 30,000.



Goemon and Cecil can drop the Defense Node with ease and then should switch over to the CPU.



Bahamut will kill both Nodes without an issue, while dropping a ton of damage on the CPU.



Nearly an exact third of its health. I love Bahamut.



However, this is a terrible idea.



Globe199 will only be used when the CPU is alone.



And no matter what, it will just kill whoever it hits. The recommended way to do this fight is drop the Defense Node, leave the Attack Node up, and just dump damage on the CPU.



Sure, you'll be taking damage the entire time, but since it's such a small amount, it's easy to heal up. Plus, Rosa and Puddin won't have many better things to do. This is probably one of the better fights to give Rosa a bow for, which I didn't do, as she can help whittle down the CPU.



And then, the CPU will just revive both Nodes, after killing two party members.



And the Defense Node begins working to restore all the damage that was done.



You may think that Kim would be useless in this fight, but Sylph is single-target and doesn't care about Reflect, so for 25 MP, Kim can help deal damage to the CPU.



Plus, she helps heal the damage that the Attack Node puts out.



I would have just used Berserk, but since there's the risk of hitting the Attack Node, I decided Haste might be better.



As it turns out, Haste is fucking useless. Why? Well...


In short, fuck you Haste.





That's about all there is to this fight, so let's skip ahead.







And that ends that. All in all, this fight is really easy, if you know what you're doing. It's important to remember that the Attack Node isn't really very dangerous, since it'll take ten rounds to kill you. The Defense Node definitely needs to be dropped, since you can't blast it with full power, so 3,000 HP being healed in rapid succession is hard to outdo. Just keep your wits about you and you'll be fine.



Couldn't we just have solved this issue with a really big magnet? Hell, we could have just gone to the Magnetic Cave and blown up a chunk of the wall...





Quickly, reverse engineer things so that you get laser guns and beam swords!



Oh, son of a bitch.



Alright, folks, get ready for some shit to go down.





Puddin, there seems to be a lot more anger in there than I would have expected.



Puddin approaches Golbez and shoves him back.





Ah, Puddin's trying to wake Golbez up, snap him out of that mind control.



It seems to be slightly working.





Puddin holds up something that rapidly flashes.



And then colors begin to flash through the screen. I don't know what he has, but I hope it's working.





Oh, God, it killed him.



...Holy shit, it worked.



: Now, do you remember your father's name?



Those of you who haven't played along, might be sitting there, all and going, "Yeah, I saw this one coming."

Firstly, shut the fuck up. Secondly, remember when this game came out. This is one of the first big, epic stories in a video game, so this shit was amazing when it first happened. This also explains why Golbez has spared Cecil in the past, because some part of him remembers their bond.



Cecil is, understandably, shocked as shit.





Just in case you hadn't figured it out yourself, the game spells out their relationship. Honestly, this feels really unnecessary.



Cecil's still stuck on it, but I can't blame him. I mean, seriously, Golbez has done horrible things, including helping to kill his king, fuck up his home country and causing Gustav's death.



: You were chosen because you have the blood of KluYa, a lunarian, coursing through your body, which made it easier for you to be controlled. But to make you fight against your own flesh and blood...

Puddin, I don't think that's helping.



Rosa moves to Cecil to comfort him, while Kim and Goemon move toward Puddin and Golbez.





: flesh and blood?



Golbez, too, is caught off-guard by this development. I cannot even begin to imagine what these two are feeling.



: It easily could have been me, as I also have lunarian blood.



: Zemus saw that evil...and helped it grow...



Golbez turns and starts walking away.





Hey, uh, Golbez, we're trying to do the same thing. Why not come with us and we'll all work together?





Puddin, you're already with us, you old fuck!



Sure, at this point in time, it'd be completely fucking awkward to have Golbez on the team, but combining his power with ours would be a good idea.





I understand Cecil's reaction here. I mean, having something like that dumped in your lap would be major for anyone.



Goemon, shut the fuck up.





What the hell do you want him to do, Rosa? Forgive Golbez and blow him?





Maybe it's just me, but all of you guys are being assholes. Let the man fucking deal with this!









Suddenly, the room begins to shake violently.



Maybe you shouldn't have been giving Cecil so much shit, you jackasses.







Whoa, hey, Cecil. I understand that this is some incredible shit to deal with, but you've gotta keep yourself alive. Don't throw your life away now, after all you've done.





Oh, it's good to see you two doing so much!



Huh? Who the hell else is here?



Well, I'll be damned.



With the control over Golbez broken, has Bowser been freed as well?





I agree. Let's get the hell out of Dodge.





Bowser leads them up, toward a teleporter.



Presumably, that staircase leads to wherever Golbez and Puddin ran off to.



The Giant begins to explode.



And everything fades to black...



We come back, with everyone in the Lunar Whale.



You were being controlled by a terrible evil, Bowser.



Goemon, you best drop the fucking attitude.



Thank you, Rosa.





Rosa is a very compassionate woman. She's not going to damn Bowser for this. She understands that he was merely a pawn in this game.





Ah, Bowser hasn't learned the information that's currently causing Cecil to be so despondent.



: controlling Golbez, taking advantage of the lunarian blood he carries.





Y'know, Bowser, when you're being the least assholish person about this, it really says a lot about how the others handled it.





I don't think that's anything we have to worry about.



Even if it turns out to be an issue, Bowser is prepared for us to do whatever necessary.



So, Bowser and Goemon are prepared to go join Puddin and Golbez and fight the most evil Moonman ever.



Though, if you two are the only ones willing--







Don't worry, Rosa. I don't think Cecil is going to puss out on us at the last moment. He's made a lot of hard decisions during this adventure, but he's stuck with them. Cecil will be okay.





Now, Cecil, you do realize that she's the one who's the best at keeping your asses alive, yes? And Kim is the one who's best at keeping enemy asses not-alive, you know this, yeah?



I see where you're coming from here, Cecil. You don't want to put these two into danger. I understand.



But I think it's a little late to expect them just to stay behind because you said so. I mean, Rosa nearly got herself killed before this shit really got off the ground and Kim was swallowed by the King of Summoned Monsters.





Rosa steps back. I'm guessing she's probably pissed as shit at this moment. Cecil, if you come back, you might have more danger to face.



She storms off, but I can't blame her. Cecil's probably lucky he didn't Slow'd, then had a staff shoved up his ass.



Well, Goemon is the oldest here, so if anyone has the right to call them "kids", it's him, but even so.

Shut the fuck up, Goemon.





Kim storms off, too. Goemon's probably lucky he wasn't annihilated by the God of Summons.



I can see he means well, but if he hadn't come off as such a fucking tool, I'd be more okay with it. I mean, I think Cecil did it well enough, even if it was a horrible idea.





"We're all going to be horribly killed!"



They gather around the Crystal and head to the Moon.



This is it, folks. We're in the endgame now.







Our three manly men begin to march off the Lunar Whale.





Interesting how Bowser says this and not Cecil.







Guys, there's another exit on the other side of the ship. Plus, Cecil, I think you're strong enough to just pick her up and gently set her aside.



'course, you're also an idiot, so I can see why you didn't think of that.





She loves you, dawg. You may as well let her come. She's proved she's basically essential to the team, as well.





I'll admit, this line from Goemon amuses me.





With that, they begin smooching. Man, Bowser, I bet you just feel awkward as fuck, huh?



Ah, the plan to make Cecil and Rosa makeout on the Moon went off without a hitch.







Aye, and I wouldn't want to fight it without you two by my side.



And I do love me some Bahamut...



Cecil, I don't think she's going to French you right here. Besides, Rosa is right there.





Full of resolve and the want to kick some Moonman ass, our team marches off the Lunar Whale, ready to go fight the final fight.



On the other side of the ship...



...A Hummingway appears.



This is something new for the GBA version. We can head back to Earth and swap in any of our old members, barring Gustav.





While the Hummingway looks around the ship, it closes.



And this update ends.

So, now, folks, what do you want to do? There's a bunch of sidequesty stuff to do now, including picking up another summon. There's also bonus bosses and the like back on Earth, and all of our old members probably need some updated gear.

Where do we start? Do I go and fight Zemus now, then do the bonus content? Or do you want me to do bonus content first, then tangle with the evil Lunarian? If I do bonus content, where do I start? With Leave, Champ, or the twins?

BOLD a vote and tell me where we go next!